“I’m a People-Pleaser”
One of the biggest barriers to successful weight loss has to do with not being able to speak up and tell others what we need. I see this block a person’s ability to lose weight perhaps more than anything else in the game of weight loss.
Here are some examples:
1. You’re not willing to tell others what foods you can and can’t eat for fear of upsetting them. They say to you “But it’s your favourite…I made it just for you,” and you don’t want to say no because they might get mad.
2. You’re too embarrassed to bring your own food to a function where you know there’ll be no “safe” food for you to eat.
3. You allow people to walk all over you, not telling them how you really feel, and your frustration level builds until you eat the wrong foods to self-soothe.
4. You can’t seem to say “No” when people ask you to do things you really don’t want to. As a result you feel helpless, frustrated and angry at yourself, and you eat junk to comfort yourself.
5. People – especially family – always seem to be bothering you, on your case, wanting you to do things you don’t want to. You feel obligated because they’re “family,” and so you never speak up about your true feelings.
Do any of these resonate with you? I’m sure you can think up some examples of your own. Especially with family members…family are the WORST at pushing our buttons. So what do we do to get out of this cycle?
“No” Is A Complete Sentence
I’m a personal trainer and nutrition coach in Mississauga, Ontario. I work out of my basement with a fully-stocked gym. I’ve been helping people to lose weight and get in shape for 10 years now. I’ve learned that the biggest part of the battle is helping them deal with feelings and emotions that tend to sabotage their weight loss programs.
My 10-week course is designed to give you the tools and tricks you need in order to be able to navigate the emotional ups-and-downs that happen in daily life. The idea is to utilize these tools to keep emotions within a certain range, to not let them get either too high or too low. To do that is to risk overeating to soothe intense negative feelings, OR to augment intense positive feelings.
One of the most important lessons I teach my clients is how to say “No” when they don’t want to do something. People-pleasing is a common characteristic amongst problem eaters, and learning how to say “No” is the solution.
When someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, you have the right to refuse. You also don’t have to explain yourself. “No,” or “No thanks,” should be all you need to say. If that’s uncomfortable for you, then there’s work to do, because it shouldn’t be.
How to Set Boundaries
Saying “No” effectively means setting a boundary. The real key to serenity and weight loss success is being able to define what we’re comfortable with, and what we’re not comfortable with. Then we make it clear to those around us what we’re willing to tolerate, and what we’re not.
My program gives specific and clear-cut directions on how to do this, but I’ll give you all a sneak peak at one of the techniques I use. It’s called the “W.I.N” statement. When someone does something that I believe is stepping over one of my boundaries, this is how I address it with them:
W: “XXXX (name of person), when you raise your voice at me…”
I: “I feel disrespected and angry, and I don’t appreciate it.”
N: “In the future I need you to please speak to me in a calm, level tone, and not raise your voice at me again. Can I please get your commitment on this?”
“When you”…”I feel”…”I need.” Remember this formula. It’s a great way to keep the focus off of the other person, and on you. That way we don’t risk upsetting them by telling them what they’re doing wrong. The focus instead is on how we feel. This is a very important distinction.
In some cases the person may not be willing to comply. In that case, we need to be ready to set – and enforce – consequences that will guarantee our safety. This may include ending the relationship – either temporarily or permanently – if the circumstances warrant. We owe it to ourselves to be willing to do that, because if the other person isn’t willing to respect us, then we’re the ones who have to.
Try it…you’d be amazed at how well it works.
Saying “No.” Boundaries. These things are all key in managing our weight, even though they might not seem to have anything to do with it. I invite you to try my suggestion here the next time your gut speaks to you and tells you that someone is overstepping a boundary with you.
Of course, if you need help, I’m here. 647-677-6025 either by phone or text, or firstname.lastname@example.org gets you to me. I’d love to talk to you, and I offer free consultations where we can work together to see how I might be able to help you.
Until then, all the best, and keep on keeping on!!!