Don’t Cling Too Tightly
“IF YOU CLING TOO TIGHTLY…
…you’re gonna lose control.”
•38 Special, “Hold on Loosely”
A song from my Middle School days, by a great rock and roll band.
Are you currently in a relationship where the other partner isn’t contributing as much as you are?
Do you continue to hold on, hoping that s/he will change?
Do you make excuses for their behaviour?
Are you in denial about what the relationship is really based on?
Here’s the truth: if someone wants you to be a part of their life, they’ll make it abundantly clear to you. There will be no doubt. You won’t have to wonder or agonize.
And you certainly won’t have to try and coerce them to participate in the partnership. They’ll do it of their own free will.
Does your gut tell you that you’re compromising? I mean, be rigorously honest with yourself. Is what you have with your partner today the type of relationship you were hoping for when it began?
If it’s not, then your first order of business is to be clear with the other person about what you want and need. Ask directly if s/he feels the same. Then listen to what they say, and to what they might NOT say.
They might answer vaguely, not addressing your concerns. They may make promises to change, but be unclear as to how they’ll go about doing it. Or they may just tell you that yes, you’re right, they have a different vision of the relationship than you do.
If they’re honest and up front with you about what they want, you need to believe what they tell you. If it’s different from what you want, you need to decide what’s right for you going forward. Don’t expect to change them: remember, they’ve told you what they want. It’s unlikely they’ll budge from that position.
If ANY part of you senses that they’re being evasive – or lying – then you need to listen to your gut. Too often we grew up in environments where we were forced to shut down how we felt. We learned to not be able to trust what our instincts were telling us, even when they were right. You need to fight the urge to shut out that little voice that’s trying to set you on the path that’s right for you. If it’s saying it’s time to cut bait, then please, listen.
Yes, it’ll probably be painful. You’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and hope in what you’ve got. But to hold on will, more than likely, cause WAY more pain in the end.
Yes, it’s better to be alone than to be in an unequal partnership that doesn’t meet your needs. The truth is, there’s nothing lonelier than that.
Successful weight loss is predicated on your ability to have a relatively peaceful and serene life. There are few things as stressful as relationship problems. Be good to yourself, and remember the wise words of 38 Special: to paraphrase “Don’t cling too tightly, because if you do, you’ll get hurt.”
I’m a life coach and Personal trainer in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada, and I also offer weight loss coaching and personal training GTA. If you feel that you’re in a relationship where you’re not getting what you need AND you don’t know how to get out, I can help. This is often a part of a person’s successful weight loss program: finding relationships that complement them, rather than causing them undue worry and stress.
Feel free to reach out to me at 647-677-6025, or a firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’d be happy to help.
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