I wonder if we really understand what being “self-centered” means? I didn’t for the longest time. Well, it just means what it says: when I’m being self-centered, my thoughts ” my whole being ” is centered on ME and nothing – or anyone – else. It’s a horrible way to be.
When I’m being self-centered, I think about myself all the time. I talk about myself all the time. There’s no room for you, or for anyone else, in my life when I’m in self-centeredness. To allow anyone, or anything, else in would be to take away from ME focusing on ME, andthat just won’t do. Not when it’s all about me.
There are problems with being self-centered. First, nobody wants to be around me when I’m acting that way. I believe self-centeredness to be a manifestation of the ego. Chuck Chamberlain defined the ego as “Conscious Separation From,” and I think he was right. When I’m in self-centeredness, I’m blocking everyone and everything else out. I’m focusing on me, to the exclusion of all else. I’m consciously separating myself from everything – and everyone – in the world around me.
One of my mentors once explained to me that the ego manifests in one of two ways: either in self-importance, or in self-pity. Self-importance says “I’m better than you.” Self pity says “I’ve got it worse than you.” Both are manifestations of the ego, because both views separate me from you. You wouldn’t want to be around me when I’m acting either one out.
The fact is, I’m neither better, nor worse, than anyone else. We’re all children of a loving Creator, and we all have something to offer society. My skills and abilities are perhaps different from yours, but we both have something to contribute. Ego has no place in the world, because it destroys relationships, and ultimately destroys my soul. I wither away mentally, emotionally and spiritually, because I cut myself off from you, from the Creator, and from myself.
How do I overcome self-centeredness ? By taking action. I force myself to become other-centered. I ask the neighbour if I can help rake their leaves. I take my mother out for lunch. I visit a sick friend. I volunteer somewhere. I…DO…SOMETHING…FOR…SOMEONE…ELSE.
And the feelings of self-importance or self-pity inevitably disappear.
By reaching out, by moving out of myself, I’ll inevitably come across people who are more skilled in certain areas than am I. This kills self-importance, and reminds me I’m not the best at everything. I’ll also come across people who are worse off than I am. This kills self- pity, and helps me to become grateful.
Are you struggling with self-centeredness? Are you thinking about yourself all the time, how bad you have it, or how great you are? Do you not give others a chance to talk about what’s going on in their lives, instead derailing conversations and turning them back to yourself all the time? Do you always have to be the center of attention? Do you talk too much, dominating conversations, instead of listening to what others have to say? Do you find yourself just waiting for others to stop talking, not really listening to them, so you can say what you want to say?
If any or all of these behaviours describe you, then you might want to consider a different way. Continuing in them is really setting yourself up for misery, because you’ll end up alone. Nobody wants to be friends with, employ, or do things with someone who always makes it about themselves.
You’d do well to try and change, if this is something you struggle with. And I’ve told you how: go do something for someone else. It’ll get your mind off of you. If you’ve got too much of you all over you, if it’s always “me me me I I I” in your world, then perhaps you need to find a better way.
I’m a life coach in Mississauga and I also work in the GTA. I can help you escape self-destructive self-centered thinking. My programs address this and other important issues that affect quality of life. I also offer online life coaching services, as well as online personal training and in-person personal training in the Mississauga area. Feel free to give me a call 647-677-6025 if you think I can help you, or send me an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org .
Consultations are free, and one with me just may change your life.
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